silence will be my last word.

you'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time.

2005-01-12T23:40:53Z

three cheers for:

getting lost on roadtrips to find a fast food place.
wondering if you're japanese.
talking about great music.
making out to jimmy eat world.
pool parties with 8 year olds.
all of my damn tickets on roadtrips.
sleeping together on a twin sized bed.
saying i love you the most.
parking garages and homeless men.
the way i can always make you smile.
my mom's margaritas.
late nights at denny's.
body pillows.
that one time in the edmond north parking lot.
watching your eyes light up when you're excited.
one word: "babeee"
meteor showers that i failed to prepare for.
407 late night phone conversations.

here's to jimmy eat world, and those nights in my car, when the first star we see may not be a star.

2005-01-11T09:38:10Z

i can't breathe without her.

yup...

2005-01-07T07:49:13Z

holy crap. i haven't updated since last year. let's see... the last time you guys heard from me... i quit my shitty hardcore band, only to join a shitty emo/pop/screamo band. i got kicked out because i told the drummer's girlfriend that he had little man's syndrome. i'm still in love. more than ever. i work at the green door, and i love it. i am having the most fun playing the best music i've ever played with the best friends i've ever had. thanks to everyone who hasn't left me in the last year. if i left you, we're not friends anymore, so fuck off.

things i miss: new experiences, places and people. getting really excited about going to shows. ditching class everyday in with ferrison. wichita falls. having way too many friends. my room in edmond. hanging out with jason after school. geoff robot. late nights at denny's with whoever.

things i don't miss: being used. santa fe pres. church. being drunk every weekend. not having a car. working at target. drama. fashioncore scene fucks.

peace out. if you want to check out my new band go to our website or to our purevolume site.

napoleon, i'm sure there's about out there for you. peace out.

1119 songs later, my ipod tells me...

2004-06-22T08:31:27Z

this is who i am...

the (international) noise conspiracy, .hopesfall., a new found glory, a perfect circle, a static lullaby, afi, acceptance, the agony scene, alexisonfire, anatomy of a ghost, armor for sleep, as i lay dying, at the drive in, the ataris, autopilot off, the beautiful mistake, beloved, the bled, bleeding through, blindside, blink 182, the blood brothers, botch, boys night out, brand new, cave in, coheed and cambria, converge, dead poetic, deftones, desaparecidos, early november, emery, the faint, fear before the march of flames, finch, flickerstick, from autumn to ashes, from first to last, funeral for a friend, further seems forever, gatsby's american dream, the get up kids, glassjaw, hopesfall, jawbreaker, jimmy eat world, joy electric, the juliana theory, lostprophets, mae, matchbook romance, mewithoutyou, minus the bear, modest mouse, murder by death, nofx, noise ratchet, norma jean, northstar, no use for a name, park, poison the well, the postal service, radiohead, recover, refused, the rise, rufio, saetia, saosin, saves the day, silverstein, snapcase, sparta, taking back sunday, third eye blind, this day forward, thrice, thursday, underoath, year of the rabbit, zao

...and i'm still not done.

pedrotheryan @ 2004-05-21T02:21:00

2004-05-21T07:24:36Z

these roads are paved with ashes...

more updates soon. i'm back.

a long time coming.

2004-03-09T00:46:11Z

i feel free. the bad thing is that my freedom is at the expensive of someone i hold very close to my heart. i'm sorry. for 6 months, i miserably settled for less than i wanted. at times it was fun, but for the most part it was nothing but a burden on my shoulders. i am so much happier now, and i am focused on something that i have forgotten about: ROCK music. i am not trying to do anything now, except for playing whatever comes out of me. i am an artist. i feel like i am finally able to express myself as an artist, and i think that these next few months will hold more creativity than i have probably ever experienced before. i have rediscovered the bands and artists that inspired me to make music. this is who i am, and always will be.
i hope you understand, and i hope that nothing will change between us. i hope you find a place for yourself in this world.

when beauty fades july 2003- march 2004.
rest in pieces.

"in the end, the dreams you dream is all you ever were"

pedrotheryan @ 2004-02-25T14:37:00

2004-02-25T20:39:59Z

i really hate what you've become. i really hate the absence of your presence. your heart has become iced over. who are you? where did you come from? what have you done with him?

p.s. you left yourself for dead. if you go back to ground zero, you might not like what you see, but you need to see it.

pedrotheryan @ 2004-02-18T00:42:00

2004-02-18T06:41:14Z

soon, i will be reborn.

all that glitters is gone.

2004-02-18T06:40:52Z

the days when i knew who i was are a distant memory,
and i am constantly haunted by the ghost of my reflections.
it all seemed so easy when the pieces were in the right place,
now everyday is a struggle to breathe without a sigh of suffering.
we shared a dream together, but we fell through the cracks of time.
no one heard our screams.
our cries of seperation only made the fall harder.
expired and exhausted, with the barrel shoved down my throat, i can no longer sing songs of love and faith.
i only know of heartbreak and tribulations.
without a goodbye, our ignorance became our swan song.
the ending was
closer than it appeared. living under this cross, the pain crawled inside of me, it was the story of any given day.
pull the covers tight, and blackout your windows.
the end of this nightmare is out of our sights.
could our hearts be anymore misleading?
this is the american way of death.

pedrotheryan @ 2004-02-10T00:38:00

2004-02-10T06:38:20Z

I swear that I can go on forever again
please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
give me your lips and with one kiss we begin

Are you afraid of being alone
cause I am, I'm lost without you
are you afraid of leaving tonight
cause I am, I'm lost without you

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
where are you now I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming
and if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

the kind of song that makes people be glad where they are, with whoever they're there with.

2004-02-01T23:58:15Z

i should post more often... i think that the reason that i don't post as much is because i'm happy now... to a certain extent. i'm very happy in the relationship area, which may be a first for my entire life.

so, for those of you that haven't heard... when we played with beautiful mistake last tuesday, i did a guitar spin, and the screw that held the strap in (yes, i had straplocks) fell out... so, at the very peak of the spin, my guitar fell off... lemme rephrase that. my guitar went flying, and it fell off the side of the stage. it was really funny, but also quite embarrassing.

we're taking the next month off from playing shows, because we are getting a new bass player, and we are not up to par... we are also writing songs for a possible full-length? who knows.

if you go look on the green door message board right now, you will see the when beauty fades hate rally. there are a couple of posts directed at me, but i think the guy is confusing me with this guy named ryan that's in another band.

i slept until 5pm today... i went to bed at about 3. that's quite impressive, if you ask me.

i saw the butterfly effect last night. one of the most amazing movies i have ever seen... absolutely incredible.

i love my girlfriend.

if you haven't bought the emery cd, go buy it!!

ok.peaceout.

pedrotheryan @ 2004-01-19T15:53:00

2004-01-19T21:58:24Z

for the last month, i've felt like i'm ready to self-destruct, which is pretty much why i didn't post for a while. my girlfriend is great, but that's about the only good thing going for me in my life right now. i'm having to fix last semester's grades by working my ass off. i'm in lots of debt. i feel totally fucking empty. i'm sick of certain people in my life. absolutely fucking sick of them. i want to quit my band so bad, and have wanted to for the last month, but i keep hoping that things will get better, and besides that... i can't give up the glory. what the fuck should i do? someone please reply with some help. i can't live like this anymore...

what a great first post back!

2004-01-14T09:07:23Z

i'd break every bone in your body,
just to shut your fucking mouth.
you seem to be incapable of doing that yourself
it's about fucking time that you see things my way.
mark my fucking words, blood will be spilled tonite.

pedrotheryan @ 2003-12-24T16:12:00

2003-12-24T22:14:56Z

i splurged and bought five new cd's last nite with the little bit of x-mas money i got (the rest goes to lauren) and they are the following... possibly the best combination of music purchases i've ever made

interpol- turn on the bright lights
between the buried and me- the silent circus
funeral for a friend- seven ways to scream your name
darkest hour- the sadist nation
coheed and cambria- in keeping secrets of silent earth:3.

i love best buy.

thank you for the best month of my life.

2003-12-24T21:16:27Z

so hasn't it been a while since i've bitched about a girl in my journal, right? well, it's time for me to talk about my girlfriend. there is nothing to bitch about. i have never been this happy with one person in my entire life. i'm not getting walked on, and i know i won't. for once, it feels like someone else is putting just as much into the relationship as i am, and it's the most amazing feeling ever. i said i would never date one of my best friends, well... i did it. i'm in love. so, don't expect any sad, "i hate my life because girls screw me over" posts anymore.

for some strange reason, i don't think i made the honor roll.

2003-12-20T17:52:55Z

i am very impressed that my college gpa after my first semester is 1.3. fucking 1.3! yay. kill me. i'm a failure.

damn right, it's better than yours.

2003-12-18T18:44:45Z

my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

pedrotheryan @ 2003-12-08T11:29:00

2003-12-08T17:52:12Z

sweet jesus. it's update time. school is sucking, and with only another week to go, i'm not going to do too well. fuck. my girlfriend is amazing... i never really thought i'd end up being this happy with anyone. i just hope it lasts for a while... like the rest of my life. i want to write some rock n roll songs, but for some reason i can't. i need to find a new found inspiration to rock it. all the guys in my band are fuckin great. we play with enlow on friday. come see us. i think we will be headlining our show on the 4th of january, but i'm not totally sure. i just hope kids come out on friday. so, if you're reading this, you better fucking come. we booked the whole show (more josh than me) through reggy. word. i can't wait for the new beautiful mistake album. jon sent me one of the demos. it's great. less screamy, but just as rockin.

pedrotheryan @ 2003-11-28T00:15:00

2003-11-28T06:18:14Z

i've said it so many times before... but never meant it like this.
i got blindsided. and it feels damn good. haven't been this happy in a long time. kill the void. so much for being 100% single. i'm waaaaaay out of the game... not that i was ever in it.

uoyevoli.

a little rock n roll never hurt no one.

2003-11-21T19:40:42Z

currently rotating in my cd player.

the bled- pass the flask
saosin- translating the name
the agony scene- s/t
blink 182- s/t
boys night out- make yourself sick
hot cross- cryonics
as i lay dying- frail words collapse
norma jean- bless the martyr, kiss the child
thrice- the artist in the ambulance

divided we stand, united we fall.

2003-11-21T19:31:59Z

let's recap the last two weeks:

ryan gets his lip pierced.

ryan gets incredibly sick, and is running a 102 fever. ryan lays in bed for five days, passed out.

ryan starts falling behind in school.

ryan goes to the ataris and hopesfall.

ryan goes to dallas with rory to see saosin and everytime i die.

ryan begins having girl problems. (i'm 100% single now... or something like that)

ryan finds out that he makes a zero on a history test.

ryan plays his first show with when beauty fades' new line-up. it was rockin.

ryan is going to joshua's dance party tonite. holla.

ps. i promise i will post more often now... and pictures.
lots of pictures.
i lost 10 lbs while i was sick. let's see if i can keep going.

pedrotheryan @ 2003-11-15T13:13:00

2003-11-15T19:14:24Z

about to leave to go to dallas to see saosin, sensess fail, and everytime ! die. it should be fun. going with rory. pictures will be taken with hott new digital camera.

pedrotheryan @ 2003-11-12T21:26:00

2003-11-13T03:27:02Z

so much to say... but nothing comes out.

pedrotheryan @ 2003-11-06T17:18:00

2003-11-06T23:20:42Z

i should quit smoking.
i should lose weight.
i should be tidier.
i should work harder in school.
i should quit being a social butterfly.
i should start wearing earplugs at shows.
i should quit trying to save the world.
i should practice playing guitar more.
i should get a job.
i should stop bitching about everything.

pedrotheryan @ 2003-11-05T14:29:00

2003-11-05T20:17:52Z

omg!!! CRADLE OF FILTH IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lyke whoa!!!1